Bourbon Cowboy

The adventures of an urbane bar-hopping transplant to New York.

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Location: New York, New York, United States

I'm a storyteller in the New York area who is a regular on NPR's "This American Life" and at shows around the city. Moved to New York in 2006 and am working on selling a memoir of my years as a greeting card writer, and (as a personal, noncommercial obsession) a nonfiction book called "How to Love God Without Being a Jerk." My agent is Adam Chromy at Artists and Artisans. If you came here after hearing about my book on "This American Life" and Googling my name, the "How to Love God" book itself isn't in print yet, and may not even see print in its current form (I'm focusing on humorous memoir), but here's a sample I've posted in case you're curious anyway: Sample How To Love God Introduction, Pt. 1 of 3. Or just look through the archives for September 18, 2007.) The book you should be expecting is the greeting card book, about which more information is pending. Keep checking back!

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Match Wits With Inspector Cowboy!: A Five Minute Mystery Based On Real Events

"Thank goodness you've come, Inspector Cowboy!" said Blanche Farrell of Anonymous Workplace, Inc. "We're in a terrible state!"

"What seems to be the problem?" Asked Inspector Cowboy, scanning the reception desk and adjusting his hip flask. He had been rassling dogies when Blanche had called, and he was worried he might have dented his whiskey.

"Here at this office---which resembles an actual office many of you have heard about, but which is taboo as a blog subject, hence this fictional variant---we have two bathrooms. One is very convenient and centrally located. The other is down the hall, out the back doors, through a security area that requires a secret keypad number to go in and out. Obviously, the central bathroom is more popular."

Inspector Cowboy jingled a spur impatiently. "And?"

"The problem," Blanche continued, "is that someone accidentally locked the central bathroom's door, and now no one can get in to use it! Our office manager is the only one with a key, and she's on vacation all week! We'll be down to one inconvenient bathroom until after Labor Day!" Blanch flushed and fanned herself. "Everyone's upset. I was about to write a panicky e-mail to ask our office manager to come back early, when I remembered I had your number. Can you help us?"

Inspector Cowboy nodded laconically---a trick he'd picked up in a workshop at Moseyer's Jamboree '94---and said, without even examining the scene of the trouble, "Your problem will be solved by this time tomorrow, and your office manager can stay on her vacation."

Sure enough, that's how it turned out. What happened? And how did Inspector Cowboy know?

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Anonymous Trip said...

I don't know exactly, but I guarantee that Bugs Meany is involved somehow.

8/29/2006 3:23 PM  
Blogger Joe said...

Scenario 1: Lock the other bathroom as well. Wait for desperate people to bash down the door of bathroom #1.

Scenario 2: climb into the toilet in the open bathroom, and come out through the toilet in the locked one.

Scenario 3, the most unlikely of them all: leave a note on the bathroom door asking the after-hours maintenance people to unlock the door and leave it unlocked when they finish cleaning it.

--Det. Toonhead!

8/29/2006 4:52 PM  
Blogger Bryan Arden said...

The cheaper of:

A) Calling a locksmith. Bill company.

B) Getting office manager to Fedex the Key (if she has it on hand).

8/29/2006 6:13 PM  
Blogger Jason Rohrblogger said...

I'm with Joe. The cleaning staff will have a master key.

8/30/2006 2:41 AM  
Blogger tmcay said...

I suppose you could have the office workers switch from coffee to coffe. I hear it's easier on the system and reduces bathroom breaks.

8/30/2006 11:16 AM  

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