Bourbon Cowboy

The adventures of an urbane bar-hopping transplant to New York.

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Location: New York, New York, United States

I'm a storyteller in the New York area who is a regular on NPR's "This American Life" and at shows around the city. Moved to New York in 2006 and am working on selling a memoir of my years as a greeting card writer, and (as a personal, noncommercial obsession) a nonfiction book called "How to Love God Without Being a Jerk." My agent is Adam Chromy at Artists and Artisans. If you came here after hearing about my book on "This American Life" and Googling my name, the "How to Love God" book itself isn't in print yet, and may not even see print in its current form (I'm focusing on humorous memoir), but here's a sample I've posted in case you're curious anyway: Sample How To Love God Introduction, Pt. 1 of 3. Or just look through the archives for September 18, 2007.) The book you should be expecting is the greeting card book, about which more information is pending. Keep checking back!

Monday, August 07, 2006

Sexual Frank Linen of a What?: A Sort of Puzzle

I'm forever signing up with services and can't figure out how to stop them from e-mailing me. So when I first moved to New York, I thought, "At last! A city where has a large enough sample to have a chance in hell of working!" I was wrong (long story). But that hasn't stopped them from sending me weekly lists of new members who they think might be my ideal cybermate. Normally I simply delete the mail, but today I was in a morose frame of mind (long story) and thought I'd scan the list. And here's the introduction from one of the ten women who apparently matched my criteria (random underlinings courtesy of

I'm young lonely woman.I like to carry sexual frank linen of a house. As I very strictly look at work. I like to vary. I can be strict,impudent as I can be very gentle and tender. I rather sociable person. At me it is a lot of friends and familiar. But I and could not find the second half. I want to find the happiness in life with the loved person. I want to give love and to be loved. I still hope, that I can meet that person whom I will grow fond of me such what is. I wish to get acquainted with the man for creation of family. I Love reading, dances, cookery. Now I work in advertising agency as the manager. I the cheerful, kind and understanding woman. I can go on concessions, for creation of mutual understanding and heat in family I can change the religion if it will be demanded by my beloved..Details in the further correspondence!

I can parse most of it---and hooray for any adult immigrant who attempts to wrestle a new language into submission!---but I offer this as a puzzle and a translation exercise: What the hell was she intending to say in that second sentence?


Blogger Angieb303 said...

Dang Dave, Me and Ben got a huge kick out of this. I think Ben laughed so hard he almost passed out.

Poor Dave! She longs to be "acquantied" with you! He, He! I say go for it, she sounds lovely!

8/07/2006 9:51 PM  
Blogger tmcay said...

I'm guessing the translating dictionary should have offered "wear" instead of "carry," "sexy" instead of "sexual," "revealing" instead of "frank," "lingerie" instead of "linen," and "around" instead of "of." Either that, or Mr. Longo has gone into the designer bedding business.

8/08/2006 1:01 PM  

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